A Droplet of Light through the Veil
by Entmoot
Summary: This story mostly takes place in Lupin's head. It's after what happened to Sirius in the Department of Mysteries. Experiance the feelings, memories, thoughts, and a little surprise he goes through. OotP spoilers, much better than it sounds! ENJOY!


Disclaimer: I do not own anything from _Harry Potter_ or make any money from this. I just wrote this fanfiction for my own enjoyment.  
  
Important A/N: Yes, I know, I promised another _Lord of the Rings_ fanfic. Don't worry, I'm still working on it, I just happen to have this finished...so yeah. Also, this story does not reflect my thoughts on whether or not Sirius comes back; I'm just doing what _REMUS_ may be thinking.  
  
Another really important A/N: I will admit that my ending is kind of corny, but I don't think it's too bad (hopefully). Also, this story could either be considered as a really close friend story (there are a few times when my characters say 'I love so-and-so' and 'my so-and-so', but friends say that after one dies) or it could be considered slash. I don't care how you take it, because I'm not sure how I take it. If you take it the wrong way and don't like it, don't flame me for it, please. I do know there are tons of these stories, but I couldn't help myself. Sorry, and here ya go...  
  
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** A Droplet of Light through the Veil**  
  
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"Hi, Remus. You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"Not to sound offensive, but you know, Remus, you really should start accepting what has happened and begin moving on. I mean, it's August and it happened in June."  
  
"Mmm....."  
  
"I'm leaving, kay?" says the person rushed, as if scared of me. "Aren't the hours at the Ministry so strange?"  
  
"Mmm...Bye."  
  
The door shuts; I wipe the hair out of my eyes, and sigh. Tonks has good advice, and truthfully, I've given similar, but right now I can't follow it. I know I should start accepting, but I can't! How am I to accept that the one and only Sirius Black is actually gone? He's always found a way out of sticky situations, even if they were crude. He's always been around even if he wasn't always in my sight. My Sirius, how could I have just stood there holding Harry back?  
  
---Flashback---  
  
Dumbledore had finally arrived, but Sirius was still fighting with Lestrange. I quietly called out to him to stop it, Dumbledore was here, and he could take care of her. Their battle was getting more intense by the moment. 'Sirius get out of there. I know you can do it, but you shouldn't even be here... I don't know what would happen if-' My thoughts were caught off by my own gasp.  
  
"Is that the best you can do?" he said laughing. 'Sirius...' went through my head. 'Don't be stupid. Oh Merlin, don't let anything happen...'  
  
Before he could defend himself, Lestrange sent a spell soaring and it hit him in the chest. Sirius' back arched, and I watched as his face a mix of surprise, fear, and left over laughter in his eyes went through the veil slowly. Before he finished falling, Sirius gave me one last glance. My breath hitched, and I watched in horror as he went. 'This is not happening! This is not happening! Oh my God, this is happening!' I knew what going through the veil meant, but it couldn't...how could...it wouldn't.........It did.  
  
Harry began rushing out to where Sirius had fallen, but I got him first.  
  
"There's nothing you can do, Harry-"I said with difficulty. I didn't want to believe this! I didn't want this to have happened! Unfortunately, what we want counts for very little in this life.  
  
"Get him, save him; he's only just gone through!"  
  
"It's too late, Harry-"  
  
"We can still reach him-"  
  
Harry fought against me as hard as he could, but to no avail. I'm stronger than the average human, and there was no way I was going to let him go right where Sirius had just fallen through. I couldn't let him sprint straight into the same fate!  
  
"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing....He's gone."  
  
There. I had said it. I admitted that my one and only Sirius Orion Black had gone. He had left. He was dead. Oh how I wish I hadn't had to do that. Poor Siri... 'No, Sirius...How could you leave me? You were my last old friend! Why do all of you leave me?' went through my head briefly while holding back tears before my thoughts began concentrating on keeping Harry away from the veil.  
  
---End Flashback---  
  
I sigh as the memory came rushing back. Although, just maybe...no, I can NOT let such foolish thoughts reside in my brain. Sirius has gotten through so many other things I thought he never could, though... how is this different? Oh yeah, people can't come back from being Beyond the Veil. Although, people couldn't get out of Azkaban either... This time his animagus form wouldn't come in handy though. Of course if he did come back he would probably be completely and utterly insane. I just can't see how Sirius could actually be gone!!! He was so wonderful, and maybe though some people didn't know it, we all needed him for the Order, and just for his terrific, loving self.  
  
Then how Tonks said, '...I mean, it's August and it happened in June.' I know when it happened! I know when Bellatrix and the Veil took my earliest friend left! I know! How could I not?! Harry recently sent me a letter apologizing to me and everyone for killing Sirius. I almost replied back, _'Are you off your rocker, Harry?! Of course it's not your fault, so stop blaming yourself,'_ etc., but that would've been just '_slightly_' idiotic.  
  
Who do I blame? Well, I blamed myself at first for not forcing Sirius to stay Grimmauld Place, but I know he would've gone anyway, bless his poor soul. Such a hard life... Anyway, who I blame? Yes, I blame Voldemort and Bellatrix. I blame her for performing the spell and Voldemort for so much more. He commands all of the Death Eaters (including _her_), and he persuaded Peter to his cause. This in turn, had me believing after that fateful night that my best friend and more Sirius was a Death Eater, had killed my first friend (who was actually Lily), and my other two friends plus muggles. Then I found out that it was Peter, and he had _framed_ Sirius, and HE killed and sold the others. My mind was in so much turmoil, just like it is now...  
  
Harry has been writing often, and says that it helps, but I can tell he's still struck dumb or his head is just in to much chaos because of the Prophesy and Sirius. Harry still blames himself about Sirius' death. Many times when his letters come I can tell that he had shed tears. In most of his letters, Harry asks me to come visit him at Grimmauld Place (as that's where he is now with the Weasley's and Hermione), but I always decline. I can't go back to Grimmauld Place! There are too many memories from schooldays, old Order Meetings, and just visions of Sirius there. When Harry goes to the Burrow though (the Weasley's are taking him and Hermione back there in a week) I will go to see him. He says he misses me, and he feels I'm the only one he can really talk to about it, even though he talked about our Sirius to Luna that one time alright. He says it's so much easier, because both of us have truly _suffered_ with similar losses.  
  
I know that Sirius is gone; I just **still** can't believe it. I always saw him as one who could do anything. Make friends/get girlfriends without trying, being really smart without studying, being a friend that always found a way to help you and be there, being able to survive his infamousness and life through Azkaban, able to make me understand things with no words from him, gaining the trust of the trio and Order, hiding without being found (no matter how close he was to the Ministry when he was trying to be near to help Harry, who he very dearly loved and tried his best to BE the best around), living in that horrid house with just Kreacher without _really_ losing it, and he's done so many other things. Who's to say he couldn't come back from beyond the veil???  
  
Oh yeah, me. That's where my brains come in. Surely once you've gone through the veil, you can't come back out; it's death. Maybe there really was a chance Harry could've saved Sirius. He had just gone in there, and I know as well as the rest of the Order members that the only thing that could kill Harry is Voldemort...therefore the veil wouldn't affect him...  
  
No!!! I can't go into thinking that again. I just stopped myself a few moments ago! Oh, if only my Sirius could be here, and not gone...How I miss him...  
  
"Remus."  
  
What? What on heaven's earth was that?!  
  
"I know you miss me, I miss you, but things'll get better. I'm watching you. Just keep your nose clean, you've always had a talent of at least appearing to do so." -I hear a chuckle- "I love you, buddy, and Prongsy-Boy and Lily send their greetings and care, too. We're all watching. You'll make it, Rem, just please go against Bellatrix and Wormtail for me -er I mean us-, as I couldn't do it. Thanks for everything you've done, and you **WILL** see me again, promise."  
  
I'm struck dumb by shock. Could that have been...? Was that really...? He sounded close enough to touch... I don't... Did my Sirius just come and give me a message? Could it have been him? He came back to me??? I'm so confused. That could've just been my head. Maybe I am losing it finally, and the recesses of my mind have decided to talk to me. Maybe I am really sick with grief. Maybe he briefly came back to me... No, he would've gone to Harry. Aw, what the hell? Whatever it was, I'm doing what it said, and I might as well believe it was my dear Sirius. I WILL make sure Bellatrix and Peter get 'taken care of' whether it's me getting them in Azkaban or whatever.  
  
It may relieve some guilt, but it will never erase my pain for my lost friends. I wish they hadn't left me; they really didn't want to though or know what was coming. So I will honor them (and what seems to be their wishes), and do just as Sirius (hopefully truly) just said. And maybe one day when all this dreadful mess is over, and Harry has someone else he really seems to care about and can talk to, I'll be able to leave myself and be with dear Padfoot, Lily, and Prongs. Then we'll have a reunion of the TRUE marauders.  
  
()()()Finish()()()  
  
Please do review!!! Tell me if you liked it, didn't like it, how I could improve, etc. but please don't flame me! I'm a pyromaniac, I don't think you'd really want to (burning down houses is _fun_). LOL! Don't worry!!! Just j/k! I think...mwhahahahahahaha...  
  
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